


Sleep

by danpuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drug Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25071907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danpuff/pseuds/danpuff
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 16
Kudos: 83





	Sleep

Vials of purple in the bedside drawer were quickly overtaken by red. Wideye instead of Dreamless Sleep. 

Redder Harry’s eyes every morning. Purpler the circles beneath them. 

Severus shuffled into the kitchen one Saturday morning, to his partner staring glassy-eyed at the wallpaper while eggs burned on the stove. Severus cut the heat, then gently placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders. Beneath his touch, Harry jerked, eyes blinking rapidly, gasping as he spun to look at him. “Only me,” Severus said, then guided him to a stool at the island. “You need to sleep, Harry.”

“’M f’ne.”

By day his reflexes were slower, his words more slurred. Severus was tempted to slip him a simple Sleeping Draught, but didn’t quite have it in him to betray him that way. To force him, even if it was what was best for him. 

Instead, Severus scrapped the burnt eggs and began breakfast anew.

* * *

After, Severus firecalled his shop. To Flora and Hestia he left detailed instructions for the day, demanding an owl by closing with a full report. Then he contacted the captain of the Appleby Arrows to let her know Harry would be missing practice yet again. Her lips with a thin line and she said not a word, but nodded her understanding.

Harry didn’t fuss at him for his interference, as he had in the earlier days. He no longer stubbornly attended practice despite his exhaustion. When Severus stood from the hearth, Harry was curled up on the sofa, mind elsewhere, if it was anywhere at all. 

Severus joined him with a book and held his hand. Just in case he noticed. Just in case it offered any comfort at all.

* * *

“You need to sleep, Harry.” Severus could not keep the irritation, or the desperation, out of his voice. He’d lost track of the number of times he had said this. 

Harry did not verbally respond. He sat at the edge of the bed, his drawer pulled open, staring down at purple and red vials. It took several seconds for his arm to move, sluggishly fumbling for a red. Severus watched him sharply, watched him stare down at the vial. Watched his lover’s brain trying to piece together what to do. Thumb flicking at the cork, as if it was enough to remove it. Then he stared some more. Stared until Severus grabbed his arm to snatch it out of his hand. 

“You can’t fight anyone off like this, can you?” Severus hissed. 

Harry’s brow furrowed as the words registered, but Severus was not sure he had the capacity to be as affected by them as he should. Harry only blinked when Severus slid up behind him, wrapping an arm around his middle, pressing a gruff kiss to his temple. He had not allowed so much contact in weeks.

* * *

_”Only a dream,”_ Harry had said after. Only an awful, traumatic dream. 

Only a dream of Lucius abusing him in his drugged state. Only a dream, though no one saw or heard from Lucius after that night. Disappeared without a trace. 

Only a dream, and Severus did not correct him. Severus did not know how to tell Harry what he had seen in the mirror. How he had flown to the third floor as quickly as he could, and it was too late. He’d sliced Lucius’s body too late. Unmanned him too late. Cut out his heart too late. Incinerated his body too late. Transfigured the ashes into a moldy sock too late.

Too late to spare Harry the nightmares.

And though Harry claimed it was only a dream, only an awful dream, he had not taken Dreamless Sleep since.

* * *

Severus pressed a new vial into Harry’s empty hand. This potion was darker and he kissed Harry’s cheek and uncorked it for him. “This is a simple Sleeping Draught,” Severus explained. He wrapped his hand around Harry’s wrist, guided the vial to his mouth, but waited. He blinked away his tears, just in time for Harry’s face to turn to him. Harry’s own tears fell, sliding down his gaunt cheeks. Green eyes flicked erratically, unable to focus. 

“ _Sev_.” Harry’s lips formed the name, but no sound escaped him. “ _No._ ”

Severus pressed his forehead to Harry’s cheek and whispered brokenly, “Please. Harry, please.” When he removed his hand, Harry’s arm dropped, and Severus was barely able to recover the potion. Some of the dark purple liquid sloshed onto his hand, onto Harry’s pajamas, but more than half remained. “I won’t leave you this time. I swear. I’ll never leave again.”

Harry’s breath caught, and he turned into Severus. Feebly patted at his chest. It was several long seconds before Severus understood, pulled Harry to the pillows and into his arms. It was minutes still before Harry spoke. Minutes during which Severus kissed his head and rubbed his arms, and prayed Harry was tired enough to fall asleep just like this.

“Not…your fault…” Harry breathed into his chest. 

Severus’s throat tightened and, unwillingly, so did his arms. Harry did not complain, only nuzzled deeper into his chest. 

Because it was his fault, foolishly trusting in old friends. He did not take as many precautions as he might have in an unknown location. And Lucius knew him too well. How he had sidestepped Severus’s wards, he never knew. But he should not have left Harry alone in that room to begin with. He should have stayed by his side. Should never have left him vulnerable for Lucius to take advantage of. 

“Not…It’s not,” Harry said. “Love…Y’…know?”

“And I love you,” Severus murmured into his hair. “Please sleep.”

The Sleeping Draught was not needed. After a time, Harry’s snores filled the room and Severus closed his eyes, offering a silent prayer of thanks to any deity listening. If he only slept a few hours, it would be a start. With a kiss to Harry’s damp cheek, Severus looked to the open drawer and summoned one of the red vials.


End file.
